My Life Is Incomplete

one simple question

What makes you happy?

Shoes?

MNG/Forever 21/Topshop?

Good grades?

Parties?

Alchohol?

Holidays?

Yummy food?

Nice hair/make up?

People telling u you're hot/sexy/pretty?

Endless activities/plans/appointments?

The sight of blood?

People dying/tortured?

Getting almost everything you want easily?

really?

are you sure?

seriously?

Think about it

Having people you care about by your side when you want them to be

My Life Is A Constant 'Distracting-Yourself-While-Dealing-With-It' Process

"Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy." -Kesha Tik Tok

How did a lazy ass like me wake up so early??? I don't know either. Its just been too exhausting to sleep. Too exhausting to sleep? Yea I know right how ironic. It's just NOT fun when u keep waking up every few hours n when u sleep shitty thoughts n nightmares just enters your mind like free buffet. I seriously need a dreamcatcher. No I mean seriously somebody do me a favour n buy me a dreamcatcher cuz I don't know where to find one. I mean, seriously. Thanks, hope to receive a dreamcatcher soon :)

Things aren't as bad as I thought it would be. I mean it is, but I'm dealing with it better than I thought I could. I realized I'll be fine as long as I'm not alone. Pathetic. Dependent. Plain human. Call me wadeva u wan. I really don't care.

Few things that keep me alive right na na na:
1. Friends (that I can connect with) I'm happy as long as I'm constantly communicating n surrounded by living humans. (though I don't mind having vampires as friends but haven't meet one before)
2. Listening to my 'noisy' music in my lil emo box (lil emo box=my room)
3. The fact that everytime a significant person leaves, another person appears immediately(yes I mean IMMEDIATELY like a few hours immediate) like a hell sent angel to keep me happy. (heaven sent would be torturing for me I think)
4. Constant msn/phone calls that lets me know that SoMebody is still alive and THERE.
5. When I told ma bitch that SoMebody left she said "You still have your girlfren I'm here for u." (no I am NOT bisexual. or maybe I am. hahahhahhh!!)
6. The fact that daddy not only did not screw me up, he also told me it's ok it's not my fault. (it IS a HUGE deal okay it turned my mood 180 degrees around) :)
7. Thinking about going to the beach keeps me excited n having things to look forward to.
8. 90210 Season 2 n few chick flicks in my harddisk. (n surprisingly I got them from guys not girls)
9. SoMebody told me the biggest mall in KB ceiling collapse n a car fell from the 3rd floor to ground floor n 2 people died. HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHHH!!!!! (im sorry people died but its so funny it just made my day. its on youtube)
10. We came up with a new thpathtic language that jutht maketh me laugh like thhit before we could even finithh one thentence. (don't geddit? replace s with th. thay it out loud u'll laugh ur athth off)

Lil things that are still not good:
1. I STILL feel empty sometimes.
2. Business n Economics Statistics.
3. I only have Gossip Girl Season 3 till episode 10.
4. Have been replacing clubbing with playing pool. Like I'm retiring clubbing or something.
5. Ran out of angry songs to listen to.
6 I have a 3 months holiday. (im one of those retarded people who'd rather be busy n tired than to relax n be bored)

words of wisdom to understand The Life of TsuAnn better:
there's a reason why i tend to listen to my friends rather than parents or bf. its not me, its u. think about it.

My Life Was A Dream n Now I've Been Woken Up

Today is the day that lil Miss Independent realizes she ain't so independent after all.

how did what i initially thought of as only dessert transformed into main course within a period of time which i wasn't even aware of

My Life Is Visible To Some

NOTE: This post is only all about the bad stuffs. There's obviously so much more good stuffs but I ain't gonna talk about it.
Not everything can be fucked off easily, can it? Even for a fuck off-er like me. Well I ain't what you call 'perfect', or rather a more realistic word, 'good'. I'm not the kind of girl who sits at home n watch tv(or youtube or redtube or ok u get my point) n wait for u to call me. I'm not the kind of girl who sits back back n take in everything you say n not stand up for myself. I'm not the kind of girl who does every single thing you ask me to. I'm not the kind of girl who even acts like how a proper girl should act. And I ain't sorry about that. I don't understand what's your problem. You said "Usually when I see a guy n his gf hanging out with guys the girl will be bored. But you're just the opposite." So isn't that a good thing? It's not wrong/illegal/immoral/cheating to be hanging out with my friends. It just made me think that you can't stand me being happy. You wanna spend time with your friends without me, I wanna spend my time with my friends also. (you don't expect me to stone alone at home, do you?) We're out together with friends, I do enjoy playing pool with them also. (you don't expect me to sit back n be bored, do you?) You said you feel useless you couldn't take care of me cuz u said it's your responsibility to take care of me. Now you sound like my mum. BUT you're worrying n thinking too much when there's really no issue. Now you REALLY are acting like my mum. I know you said "I love you so much that's why." Now seriously stop acting like my mum. (Mummy, if you're reading this sorry for using you as a comparison LOL) You asked me to not do stuffs that'll make you sad. You: "Do you like to see me sad?" Me: "No." You: "Do you think I like to see you sad?" Me: "No. But you're happy when I do stuffs that makes you happy but makes me sad." You: "I tried so hard to make you happy." I don't see the point I'm trying to make here, never mind ignore that part. You said you do think from my side, still you know you're an selfish asshole cuz it's unfair for me. Mich is right, we're both just as screwed up as each other. But I'm beginning to see the difference here. I'm a bitch, you're an asshole, that's right. But I'm a bitch generally, to everyone else that I don't give a damn about, but not to you(or to everyone else that matters to me). You're an asshole generally, n you're an asshole to me. Please see through your cute lil eyes n contact lenses that what I did for you is so much more than what I didn't do that you want me to. Ok sorry I lied I said your eyes are cute.
NOTE: This post is only all about the bad stuffs. There's obviously so much more good stuffs but I ain't gonna talk about it.

Shahlabi, S. (2009) How to publish something without wanting every single person to read it.

My Life Is Not Visible To Everyone

NOTE: This post is only all about the bad stuffs. There's obviously so much more good stuffs but I ain't gonna talk about it or it's gonna sound like some gay love song like "You were my food when I was weak, you were my curse words when I couldn't speak, you were my contacts when I couldn't see, you saw the ugliest that was in me" (Celine Dion) okay I changed the words to suit my style but that's beside the point lets get the story started.
Trade offs? You may face trade offs between getting a strawberry sundae n saving up 300 calories. You may face trade offs between playing pool or hang out with Akon in the VIP room. You may face trade offs between buying 3 shirts n buying 1 hoodie. You may face trade offs between sleeping n emoing+blogging at 5am in the morning. And you may think these trade offs are nasty n evil bitches n WHY CANT I HAVE EVERYTHING until u meet the nastiest of all evil trade offs. The trade off between freedom+fun n love+comfort. Life is so fucking unfair. (yes I am aware of that) You are such an asshole I swear. (yes I am aware that you are aware that you're an asshole) Sometimes I feel like I can't just have a lil fun of my own without you getting upset about it. Well it's not like I'm doing something bad/dangerous/harmful/illegal. You do what you want and I think it's only fair that I can do what I want also. No I don't believe in double-standard, yes you know that, yes you do believe in double standard. I don't understand why can't you understand n you gotta get mad/upset/pissed off. "He gets angry at u because of small things because he's like a small kid." (Joey, 2009) "and has a small...." (Nick, 2009) Listen here, I'm the kind of person who loves my wings to the maximum. When you CARE, it means watching after my wings and flying with me, NOT clipping or pegging or wingcuffing them like some sadist shit. You just couldn't understand, can you. "A relationship wouldn't work without compromise and appreciation." (Joel, 2009) I probably gotta work on the compromise part n you gotta work on the appreciation part. Problem is, I don't think you are. You think I'm just a bitch who does whatever I want all the time n doesn't deserve to have someone n you think I should actually be thanking satan so much having you since I don't deserve anyone. Wad da hell are you tryna prove here? That I ain't worth anything? That you're so fuckin highly superior? You know wad, you're also just an asshole. " You're both just as screwed up as each other." (Mich, 2009) Therefore, you have no right to judge me like that. Well you always say that I'm such a useless gf. Haha its so funny that these words came from a useless bf's mouth. Do you even know what I need? What I need ain't hair products or Sushi Zanmai's or you to be an unpaid driver. Those are WANTS. Your time, understanding, appreciation, space & freedom. Those are NEEDS. You can't fulfill that and YOU have the guts to call me USELESS. I may not wear what you want me to all the time or buy you presents for your birthday or 'be a good girl n listen to u' or fix my eyeliner the way you WANT it. So you think I'm useless. You couldn't see when I tolerate or do stuffs for you without telling you I DID IT FOR YOU or swallow some emoness to save the trouble of lil arguments. Don't you NEED me for that? You once said that you're glad I'm able to think maturely n understand n tolerate n not to get all whiney/merajuking over lil stuffs. Lemme tell you something. Anyone can 'be a good girl n listen to u'(WANTS) but not everyone can see things from both perspectives n think n understand. I know I ain't useless, n nothing u say can ever change that. "I'm so proud of you the way you tolerate him so well. Not everyone can do that. Maybe you should talk to my gf." (Kido, 2009) Do u think it's easy swallowing every mouthful of emoness thrown to me like giant lumps of dry stale bread? Still, I always choose to ignore it n act like nothings wrong/'act dunno'(buat tak tau) n not to bring anything up cuz I think it's better that I suffer alone than to cause lil arguments that makes two people suffer. There's nothing I could do anyway, whether the issue is revealed or not. You think I don't know? I only act like I don't. You think that I don't know her existance way before you know that I know? You think that I don't realize that you loved her last time more than you love me now? You think that I'm not aware that when you listen to Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone you're actually thinking about 'how you n her both did not manage to get together' n not about 'you're gonna leave to Nothingville while I still remain here which is 40 minutes drive away'? I know, I know. Still, I've been living with it for so long that it isn't even significant in my thoughts anymore. Cuz I know better. It's just the past n you just gotta live your own present and not some other person's past it's just stupid n retarded n doesn't make any sense. or dollars. I just wish you would understand though I know you wouldn't. (I'm contradicting myself) I just wish you would know and read this though I wouldn't tell you to. (I just contradicted myself again) Dudeee you gotta think from both sides.
NOTE(again): This post is only all about the bad stuffs. There's obviously so much more good stuffs but I ain't gonna talk about it.

Shahlabi, S. (2009) How to publish something without wanting every single person to read it.

sorry fsspold man i copied your idea lol i bet it isnt patented

My Life Is Dark and Cold

If the 7 deadly sins are

Wrath, lust, envy, greed, gluttony, pride & sloth

***
The cause that drives humans into committing them

Loneliness, insecurity, fear, deprivation & suffocation

***
Seek comfort by succumbing into

Self-mutilation, isolation, violence, self-pretense & obsession

***
Deep down everyone needs

Love, space, joy, comfort & warmth

***

My Life Gives Me Smileys and Silly Grins

Went shopping with Lala. Never felt this happy since the last time I shopped half a year ago. She ended her work early for me :)
Lala said she's going out with her Teh ice tomorrow and invited me along. I said I don't wanna be their lamppost. Later, she told me Teh ice wanted me to join them for dinner tomorrow :)
Successfully updated the long overdue photos on facebook :)
A hot guy asked me to go clubbing. I rejected :D
Lil cocktail session in Republic. Poor Vans gotta do so many dares cuz she kept losing the silly lil snap card game :D
AC with Jo n Jar for dinner(for me) and supper(for them) cuz they're leaving tomorrow :)
Jo thought that a picture of me in jeans from behind is my hot friend :D
Some random person told me You're very pretty :D
SoMebody stood up for me when his friends who doesn't even know me tried to feed him shittalk about me :D
Actually felt that my existance n position is acknowledged :)
MSNed fsspold man asking what is he doing. He said "Watching over my house." I said "I don't know that show." He said "LOL it's not a tv show. I'm actually awake to watch my house. from intruders." :D
I am actually allowed to earn my own green paper this hols :D
Went to Genting for dinner and walked around and did nothing :)
Met up with SoMebody's sis. She asked me to go back to their hometown with them. SoMebody said "Don't want. So embarassed to be seen with her." His sis said "She's the one who should be embarassed being seen with you." :D

My Life Is Random

im bored i come up with retarded ideas
imma start blogging regularly again
irregularity nuh-uh, not good (im not just talking about menstrual cycle)
imma set my music player on shuffle n write wad does that song remind me of

Halo-Pussycat Dolls : Jogging in Sunway college field with fsspold man
Us Against The World-Christina Millian : Being in Asshole's car during clubbing period
Hotel Room Service-Pitbull : Genting trip with Mich, ma bitch
Wake Up Call-Maroon 5 : Studying the night before accounting exam
Window Shopper-50 Cent : Life when I was 15, when I love 50 Cent so much
A Little Piece Of Heaven-Avenged Sevenfold : Hanging/studying/emoing/singing in Suri
I Love College-Asher Roth : When college ended and before uni started
21 Guns- Green Day : The day I completed AND handed up accounting AND economics assignment
I Am Not A Whore-LMFAO : Doing uni assignments with ma bitch till late night
I'm Still Breathing-Katy Perry : LG Nuffnang blog launch party (i dont know why but it just does)
Battlefield-Jordin Sparks : Weekends with Mojojojo, Jarling & Gaymond pool in AC (AC plays this song all the time)
Other Side-Red Hot Chilli Peppers : Singing/yelling to metal songs with Filament
She Wolf-Shakira : Asshole laughing everytime I sang along to the howling part
Watcha Say-Jason Derulo : Don't trust what a ho says cuz it's been proven wrong, time and again
She Wants It(Ayo Technology)-50 Cent ft Justin Timberlake : Talking about dildos in uni library when we heard this song
Love Is Gone-David Guetta : MOS!!!!!!!!!!!
Stolen-Dashboard Confessionals : Scissors paper stone (inside joke)
Laffy Taffy-D4L : I just LOL everytime I hear this song
Me So Horny-2 Live Crew : Singing to it everytime with ma bitch
Predictable-Good Charlotte : Joel Madden.is.damn.hawt.
Back To Black-Amy Winehouse : Stoning in my room alone at home
Afterlife-Avenged Sevenfold : Everytime I leave or when someone leaves
Ridin'-Chamillionaire : High school life
Hero/Heroine-Boys Like Girls : Me saying how this songwriter could be talking about drug dealing
Billy Jean-Michael Jackson : The start of me stopping(reducing) clubbing
Be With You-Akon : Asshole blasting the speakers with base on maximum n replaying this song over n over
Sugar-Flo Rida ft Wynter : Ashwin saying "My lips is brown sugar."
Gehenna-Slipknot : Going uni in the morning in Anu's car
No Boundaries-Adam Lambert : Emoing with Jo n Jar n Bombay Sapphire in Ray's house by the waterless, fishless pond
Fuck a Dog-Blink 182 : People getting annoyed when I keep replaying this song while studying for finals
I'd Come For You-Nickelback : Emoing/cold war/i-aint-speaking-to-u-u-aint-speaking-to-me period
Krazy-Pitbull ft Lil Jon : People singing to this song with my name in it
Smells Like Teen Spirit-Nirvana : Anu shouting NIRVANA!! during MTV World Stage
Bitch Suck My 12 Inch-DJ Infinity : TWO inch (inside joke)
Bad Romance-Lady Gaga : memories are yet to be implanted in my mind cuz this song is too current

(My) Life Is So Fucking Unfair :(

my playlist speaks for me

Zero Gravity-David Archuleta

Use Somebody-Kings of Leon

Two Is Better Than One-Boys Like Girls ft Taylor Swift

Us Against The World-Christina Millian

I Am Down-Plastiscines

Knock You Down-Keri Hilson ft Kanye West & Ne-Yo

When You're Gone-Avril Lavigne

I Still-Backstreet Boys

Gunbound(The Wild Ride)-Avenged Sevenfold

No Boundaries-Adam Lambert

excuse the gay songs

they aren't my favourite

they just happen to define my gay thoughts

(gay does not mean homosexual, if u get my definition of GAY)

i hate Nothingville for the fact that it even exist.imma burn it down i swear.

S,

dont want u to leave.

aint gonna ask u not to.

just couldn't be sucha selfish lil bitch to u.

My Life, Explained

Don't ask me if I'm okay.

If I'm not okay but you wouldn't understand, I'll not tell you I'm not okay.
If I'm not okay and you would understand, I might tell you I'm not okay.

If you could understand but you wouldn't care, I'll not tell you I'm not okay.
If you could understand and you would care, I might tell you I'm not okay.

If you cared but you couldn't fix it, I'll not tell you I'm not okay.
If you cared and you could fix it, I might tell you I'm not okay.

So if I say I'm okay, it would mean
I am really okay so there's no point asking, or
I'm not okay but you wouldn't understand, care or fix it so there's still no point asking.

So there's no need to ask repeatedly.
It's annoying.